Phobias

[greenbeing]

inuvik said:

I love escargot, they are my fave appetizer, and I have them whenever I can--in fact I had them on Thursday!

Honestly, they have no flavor of their own. They take on whatever flavor is around them--like garlic butter. They are kind of chewy and rubbery. Just don't think about what they are, and do try them!

Gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!
*swoons*
Thump!

Hey, look! GB fainted! Let's poke her with a stick! (poke-poke-poke) Ha, we like this, let's do it again! (poke-poke-poke) Ha, ha, this is lots of fun!

On GB's behalf, we end this intermissionary onslaught and tell the tale: If one were to find a squirt gun (which are very difficult to find) and fill it with some water, and lots of ammonia, and then if one were to take that squirt gun outside and, let's say, shoot little slimy things on the half shell and shell-less, they foam, as if suddenly coming down with a bad case of rabies, and they wriggle, and then they die.

(poke-poke-poke)Oh, look, she's waking up. Drat!

Why are people poking me with sticks?
*groggy*
Oh, yeah... Gaaaaaahhhhhh!!!
*faints*
Thump!

(poke-poke-poke) Ha, ha, ha!

Again, we shall censor the unnecessary carnage to bring a word about tabasco sauce. Apprently, untested by us, us, if one were to add a little water, tabasco, and cayenne pepper, and shoot it out of a spray bottle, that'll kill little escargo's and slugs, and probably humans...

We really like the nice clean ammonia gun.

If all our efforts were in vain from this very hectic slug season, next spring we may have to invest in a Super Soaker.

W-what happened? Wha's goin' on? Why're you poking me...? Gaaaaahhhh! Nooooo! Don't do it, Inuvik! Noooo! Save yourself, my dear!
*faints*
Thud!

I'm sure there's a moral to this story... Like, if you're a slug, and someone faints at the sight of slugs, don't crawl under said someone when they're fainting unless said slug likes to become said flatter. (Easy Diet Method 103.)

We also rather enjoyed the beer traps, with which we drowned many a drunken slug. Our uncle told us to sell the tasty beer-soaked cracasses to the local University for hazing week. But that caused--

Eeeeewww!!!
Thunk!

--queasiness to accompany the smell of beer.

--GB
--OB
--Mwuhaha BB
--Be nice
--Thunk
--(poke-poke-poke)

[awlrite4now]

ROTFLMAO!

[rducasey]

greenbeing said:

inuvik said:

I love escargot, they are my fave appetizer, and I have them whenever I can--in fact I had them on Thursday!

Honestly, they have no flavor of their own. They take on whatever flavor is around them--like garlic butter. They are kind of chewy and rubbery. Just don't think about what they are, and do try them!

Gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!
*swoons*
Thump!

Hey, look! GB fainted! Let's poke her with a stick! (poke-poke-poke) Ha, we like this, let's do it again! (poke-poke-poke) Ha, ha, this is lots of fun!

On GB's behalf, we end this intermissionary onslaught and tell the tale: If one were to find a squirt gun (which are very difficult to find) and fill it with some water, and lots of ammonia, and then if one were to take that squirt gun outside and, let's say, shoot little slimy things on the half shell and shell-less, they foam, as if suddenly coming down with a bad case of rabies, and they wriggle, and then they die.

(poke-poke-poke)Oh, look, she's waking up. Drat!

Why are people poking me with sticks?
*groggy*
Oh, yeah... Gaaaaaahhhhhh!!!
*faints*
Thump!

(poke-poke-poke) Ha, ha, ha!

Again, we shall censor the unnecessary carnage to bring a word about tabasco sauce. Apprently, untested by us, us, if one were to add a little water, tabasco, and cayenne pepper, and shoot it out of a spray bottle, that'll kill little escargo's and slugs, and probably humans...

We really like the nice clean ammonia gun.

If all our efforts were in vain from this very hectic slug season, next spring we may have to invest in a Super Soaker.

W-what happened? Wha's goin' on? Why're you poking me...? Gaaaaahhhh! Nooooo! Don't do it, Inuvik! Noooo! Save yourself, my dear!
*faints*
Thud!

I'm sure there's a moral to this story... Like, if you're a slug, and someone faints at the sight of slugs, don't crawl under said someone when they're fainting unless said slug likes to become said flatter. (Easy Diet Method 103.)

We also rather enjoyed the beer traps, with which we drowned many a drunken slug. Our uncle told us to sell the tasty beer-soaked cracasses to the local University for hazing week. But that caused--

Eeeeewww!!!
Thunk!

--queasiness to accompany the smell of beer.

--GB
--OB
--Mwuhaha BB
--Be nice
--Thunk
--(poke-poke-poke)

GB, you're back in living color. We missed you. And always a slug story....hahahahahahahahahah loved it. Does the winter chill finally kill them off, like fleas?

[awlrite4now]

Just for you, GB:

[inuvik]

awlrite4now said:

ROTFLMAO!

I know what ROTFL is--but what is MAO?

I'm not sure about this--correct me if I'm wrong--but I'm getting a vague impression that GB will never eat escargot. Not sure if I'm correct, very subtle post, but I think that's the way it is.

But still everyone else--yum yum yum! Does no one else like them? Don't knock it till you try it.

[hoosier]

I have no desire to even try escargot. I always think of that scene in Pretty Woman where it goes flying across the restaurant to be deftly caught by the waiter!

Oh GB, last week I was walking the dog and what was across the sidewalk but a humongous slug I noticed it and not the deceased mouse laying nearby! Guess the cats were doing their duty but please! Had to dispose of it with a decent burial--the mouse not the slug!

[bjobsessed]

Oh GB! Nothing like a good slug story to brighten up a long hard day at work.

[greenbeing]

paraskevidekatriaphobia--fear of Friday the 13th

I'm a little late, but they just sent our monthly newsletter. No, not a newsletter for phobics, though that would be grand fun "What are you scared of today, Monsieur Black?" "Legumes!" Eeeeek! No, no, this is a health-conscious newsletter. It's nice that they're on the same wavelength as moi. (Love the new avatar, btw, much merci to whoever graced me with her presence! Miss Piggy, elle est tres magnifique!)

--GB (Who shall now run around yelling "Kermie, Kermie, my love, where art thou!" instead of "Yaaaaayyyy!")

P.S. I forgot to add I finally found my other major phobia! I'd been looking for it in the book and tada!

Carnophobia--fear of meat. Some individuals fear the sight of raw meat or cooked meat, others fear eating meat in any form. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who cries at the thought of touching raw meat.

XOXO Kissie-kissie!

[awlrite4now]

Oh, GB...you MUST go look at this website:

www.flushedaway.com/flash/index.html

The movie they made just for you!

[inuvik]

greenbeing said:

As representative for the ASPCA (American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Australians), I bring you a quick Aussie Slang Lesson #1 to drink with your cuppa.

I guess you are not a representative of the SPCA. How cruel GB--those slugs were not in your garden! Why kill them for no reason?

I would have thought that those with a phobia would want to stay away from the things of which they are phobic (awkward sentence constuction I know). To squish them you have to be very close!

[hoosier]

Uggg, slug slime and slug guts! Really GB, maybe you need a pair of heavy duty clod hoppers to tackle the job. When they are in the grass or in the dirt, I usually don't notice them until its too late and I have slipped on one, smearing it all over the place as I try to keep my balance! After that, I tend keep an eye out for a day or two and if I see one, try to avoid it and we both go on our merry ways.

I did accidentally step on a toad once. It was on the back step and I went out after dark and felt something under my foot. I jumped aside but I thought I had definitely killed it but it shook itself and jumped away. Didn't have amphibian murder on my conscious! We had a dog that was scared of anything smaller than he was (he was part Lab weighed 75 lbs) and a toad once got into his pen. He hid behind me and barked at it as I tried to get it into a bucket so I could move it!!! This year we had a couple of little toads in the yard but I managed to see them before stepping on them and the dogs we have now are not afraid of them.

I have set out my bird feeders again and filled a few so they learn where they are. Hopefully won't have a repeat of the hit and run earlier this year. Have to remember to keep my arm down so they don't think that I'm a landing strip.

[housemouse]

inuvik said:

greenbeing said:

As representative for the ASPCA (American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Australians), I bring you a quick Aussie Slang Lesson #1 to drink with your cuppa.

I guess you are not a representative of the SPCA. How cruel GB--those slugs were not in your garden! Why kill them for no reason?

I would have thought that those with a phobia would want to stay away from the things of which they are phobic (awkward sentence constuction I know). To squish them you have to be very close!

Excellent question Inuvik. It seems that with such a strong aversion to slugs, Greenbeing's best course of action would be to adopt a "live and let live" sort of approach. Greenbeing, why go looking for something you seem to be so frightened of?

[greenbeing]

housemouse said:

inuvik said:

I guess you are not a representative of the SPCA. How cruel GB--those slugs were not in your garden! Why kill them for no reason?

I would have thought that those with a phobia would want to stay away from the things of which they are phobic (awkward sentence constuction I know). To squish them you have to be very close!

Excellent question Inuvik. It seems that with such a strong aversion to slugs, Greenbeing's best course of action would be to adopt a "live and let live" sort of approach. Greenbeing, why go looking for something you seem to be so frightened of?

If the slugs stayed in my garden, I would not mind. If they get in my yard where I walk, I do not like it. Even worse, they are all over the driveway, making it impossible to get out of one's car without using a flashlight and scraping them out of the way with a stick. Rather than track them into the house on the soles of my shoes, I have had to take evasive action, as well as aversion therapy. I don't have to "go looking for" them, as they crawl up the side of my house, down the steps, up the porch, and under my feet. I tried just about every tactic once, including stepping on the bark, as I have read several places that the best thing to do is put out a board and squish them. Now I know that's a bunch of malarky because slugs are squish resistance.

xoxo kissie-kissie

[greenbeing]

For those who've been reading along with me all year...

It started in the spring. They came from the soil. They crawled up the side of my house. They creeped across the driveway.

I had thousands of slugs. And having no automatic garage door opener, I had to Exit the Vehicle in order to get in the house. Eeep!

I happened to find this wondrous book at the library on phobias. Not only do they list every phobia and name, they also have several helpful hints for taking care of and alleviating phobias. Some like this:

The central principle of exposure treatment is persuasion of the sufferer to stop avoiding what he or she fears and instead to start approaching it and staying in its presence until the ensuing panic starts to subside. It can take 20 to 30 minutes of exposure treatment for the panic to come down a bit and an hour or two for it to greatly reduce. This exposure exercise is repeated daily with avoidance situations until most of the discomforts and tendencies to avoid them have disappeared, and the phobic individual has obtained freedom from associated work, social, and family disabilities.

I figured, on the one hand, exposure is best, as otherwise, I'd never leave the house again. Which I'm sure would make some people very happy ;D On the other hand, early prevention is the best protection, right? Which holds true for rotting boards, slugs, crab grass, unsafe s3x, cancer treatments, and tooth decay. In order to keep my 5000 slugs from multiplying, I had to get rid of them. And I couldn't wait to see if a poison would work. Hence, the beginning of The Slug Assault 2006!

And I started journaling it for myself for future usage, and I decided, since I have that rare ability to laugh at myself, to post it here, thinking some might get a kick out of my escapades.

Over the past 8 months, I have tried nearly ever trick in the books, every old wives' tale, and every chemical agent known to unkind man.

It's helped. Writing it down, exposing myself, finding different breeds of slugs and watching them turn rabid as I washed those slugs right out of my yard, cleanliness is next to death... I can leave the house, and I have fewer slugs. Maybe I can leave the house because I have fewer slugs... I've cried, I've had sleepless nights, nightmares... But I've kept my sense of humor about it, I've railed against the slimy creatures, and I'm winning. So while some might see my posts as inane, others will see that I'm living proof you can laugh at yourself and how stupid it all is, even while running in fear.

One of these days I'll be able to bring myself to write The Day the Slugs Attacked Back, but for now, that one's too scary. Eeeeeeee. Until that day, I'll continue my battle, and laugh like a scary mad-woman the entire time.

--GB
xoxo kissie-kissie

[rducasey]

greenbeing said:

And I started journaling it for myself for future usage, and I decided, since I have that rare ability to laugh at myself, to post it here, thinking some might get a kick out of my escapades.

--GB
xoxo kissie-kissie

GB, don't stop journaling your slug adventures. I just love them. Your adventures I mean, not slugs. And I don't want to make you jealous or anything, but I have honestly never seen a slug in the wild- Just in science books. Now I am not looking for you to mail me any, of course, but I sure do enjoy reading about them. And I don't feel one bit bad for the slugs. Fight on!