|
|
Post by Eyphur on Jul 15, 2008 22:56:05 GMT -5
Well, I got a 0% on my first try, but since it's 50/50 guess on the answers then 0% should be concidered to be as great an achievement as 100%, right? ;D
Actually I misunderstood the directions and did everyone wrong because I got the directions backwards, so I screwed up on 100% percent of them. Upon re-reading the directions I got a 100% on my second try.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chris on Jul 16, 2008 5:51:46 GMT -5
Well, I got a 0% on my first try, but since it's 50/50 guess on the answers then 0% should be concidered to be as great an achievement as 100%, right? ;D Actually I misunderstood the directions and did everyone wrong because I got the directions backwards, so I screwed up on 100% percent of them. Upon re-reading the directions I got a 100% on my second try. That's exactly what happened for me too ;D - Chris  |
|
|
|
Post by bjobsessed on Aug 22, 2008 19:28:49 GMT -5
Just got this in an email. It's similar to other things that have been posted, but in the spirit of the Olympics.....
Questions About the 2010 Olympics
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010
Winter Olympics, people all over the world are asking
questions. Believe it or not, these questions about Canada
were posted on an International Tourism Website.
(Frightening, isn't it?)
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the
plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see polar bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto--can I follow
the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles. Take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada?
(Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of
places to contact for a stuffed beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you
send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton, and
Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your north...oh
forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you
get here, and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering
Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys
Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of
youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the
female population is smaller than the male population?
(Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available
all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan
hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I
forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a moose. It is tall and very violent, eating
the brains of anyone walking close to it. You can scare it
off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
|
|
|
|
Post by bjobsessed on Nov 23, 2008 21:05:39 GMT -5
Here is an email I just got.
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said. "It makes my teeth cough."
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked:"'What happened to the flea?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget: this particular Sunday sermon...
"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
|
|
|
|
Post by bjobsessed on May 7, 2009 22:03:07 GMT -5
Here's a really great story about a disabled vet from Iraq who is running in the London England Marathon to raise money for Help for Heroes--a British organization that helps vets. He's been going for 13 days and has two more to go. He is only allowed to do two miles a day. He has other plans too. www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/05/07/veteran.marathon/index.html |
|
|
|
Post by Chris on May 9, 2009 17:02:47 GMT -5
Here's a really great story about a disabled vet from Iraq who is running in the London England Marathon to raise money for Help for Heroes--a British organization that helps vets. He's been going for 13 days and has two more to go. He is only allowed to do two miles a day. He has other plans too. www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/05/07/veteran.marathon/index.htmlPhil Packer finshed the marathon today. Well done!! - Chris |
|
|
|
Post by bjobsessed on May 9, 2009 18:01:19 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by bjobsessed on Jun 15, 2009 21:19:27 GMT -5
I just got this in an email.
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me... It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6.20You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry, God
never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger..
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one
is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple..
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ’In five years,
will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business..
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you
did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s,
we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
|
|
|
|
Post by inuvik on Jun 16, 2009 12:04:33 GMT -5
Those are really good!
|
|
|
|
Post by hoosier on Jun 16, 2009 18:31:55 GMT -5
How true!
|
|
|
|
Post by bjobsessed on Jan 14, 2010 20:42:04 GMT -5
Got this in an email.
The Pickle Jar
The pickle jar as far back as I can remember sat on the floor beside the dresser in my parents' bedroom. When he got ready for bed, Dad would empty his pockets and toss his coins into the jar.
As a small boy I was always fascinated at the sounds the coins made as they were dropped into the jar. They landed with a merry jingle when the jar was almost empty.Then the tones gradually muted to a dull thud as the jar was filled.
I used to squat on the floor in front of the jar and admire the copper and silver circles that glinted like a pirate's treasure when the sun poured through the bedroom window. When the jar was filled, Dad would sit at the kitchen table and roll the coins before taking them to the bank.
Taking the coins to the bank was always a big production. Stacked neatly in a small cardboard box, the coins were placed between Dad and me on the seat of his old truck.
Each and every time, as we drove to the bank, Dad would look at me hopefully. 'Those coins are going to keep you out of the textile mill, son You're going to do better than me. This old mill town's not going to hold you back.'
Also, each and every time, as he slid the box of rolled coins across the counter at the bank toward the cashier, he would grin proudly 'These are for my son's college fund. He'll never work at the mill all his life like me.'
We would always celebrate each deposit by stopping for an ice cream cone. I always got chocolate. Dad always got vanilla. When the clerk at the ice cream parlor handed Dad his change, he would show me the few coins nestled in his palm. 'When we get home, we'll start filling the jar again.' He always let me drop the first coins into the empty jar. As they rattled around with a brief, happy jingle, we grinned at each other. 'You'll get to college on pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters,' he said. 'But you'll get there; I'll see to that.' No matter how rough things got at home, Dad continued to doggedly drop his coins into the jar. Even the summer when Dad got laid off from the mill,and Mama had to serve dried beans several times a week, not a single dime was taken from the jar.
To the contrary, as Dad looked across the table at me, pouring catsup over my beans to make them more palatable, he became more determined than ever to make a way out for me. 'When you finish college, Son,' he told me, his eyes glistening, 'You'll never have to eat beans again - unless you want to.'
The years passed, and I finished college and took a job in another town. Once, while visiting my parents, I used the phone in their bedroom, and noticed that the pickle jar was gone. It had served its purpose and had been removed.
A lump rose in my throat as I stared at the spot beside the dresser where the jar had always stood. My dad was a man of few words, and never lectured me on the values of determination, perseverance, and faith. The pickle jar had taught me all these virtues far more eloquently than the most flowery of words could have done. When I married, I told my wife Susan about the significant part the lowly pickle jar had played in my life as a boy.. In my mind, it defined, more than anything else, how much my dad had loved me.
The first Christmas after our daughter Jessica was born, we spent the holiday with my parents. After dinner, Mom and Dad sat next to each other on the sofa, taking turns cuddling their first grandchild. Jessica began to whimper softly, and Susan took her from Dad's arms. 'She probably needs to be changed,' she said, carrying the baby into my parents' bedroom to diaper her. When Susan came back into the living room, there was a strange mist in her eyes.
She handed Jessica back to Dad before taking my hand and leading me into the room. 'Look,' she said softly, her eyes directing me to a spot on the floor beside the dresser. To my amazement, there, as if it had never been removed, stood the old pickle jar, the bottom already covered with coins. I walked over to the pickle jar, dug down into my pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins. With a gamut of emotions choking me, I dropped the coins into the jar. I looked up and saw that Dad, carrying Jessica, had slipped quietly into the room. Our eyes locked, and I knew he was feeling the same emotions I felt. Neither one of us could speak.
This truly touched my heart. I know it has yours as well. Sometimes we are so busy adding up our troubles that we forget to count our blessings.Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life, for better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way. Look for Good in others.
The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched - they must be felt with the heart ~ Helen Keller
|
|
|
|
Post by bjobsessed on Jul 15, 2010 16:13:07 GMT -5
Here's one for all of us animal lovers.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY........
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door...
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, and then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children...
|
|
|
|
Post by hoosier on Jul 15, 2010 18:41:23 GMT -5
Here's one for all of us animal lovers. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY........ The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door... Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, and then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car (6) don't smoke or drink, (7) don't want to wear your clothes, (8) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children... Ha! Love it and how true especially the bathroom business. I don't know how often I suddenly see a nose followed by a pair of eyes checking to be sure I haven't somehow escaped out the window! |
|
|
|
Post by bjobsessed on Jul 16, 2010 15:16:19 GMT -5
Yeah and about the bathroom, when has that ever stopped any of us from letting them in? I do it all the time because that is the only time Harley is a lap cat!
|
|
|
|
Post by hoosier on Jul 16, 2010 18:16:07 GMT -5
Bear has a habit of laying outside the bathroom door when it is occupied. I guess he wants to make sure noone sneaks off on him!
|
|
