Which is Worse?

[shmeep]

I just posted this new little fic over at ff.net, but I don't have a link yet. I also put it here. It's complete.

[mlm828]

I'm so glad you did this! Next time, they'd better call you in to interpret. And you got the characters absolutely right in the "which is worse?" discussion.

[Duchess of Lashes]

I tried to get this one to before you left for the day! I would like to know where you have been hiding this one - was it just sitting there waiting? Did it strike you in the middle of the night or is this something that's been simmering for a while now?

Whatever the cause, the effect is without question - it's wonderful, extremely well written, touching, without implication of tugging at the heartstrings - yet it does perhaps because it touches so closely on personal experience.

I don't know how you continue to do it! You are very much a writer - a most enjoyable one at that. I have asked myself this question many times and I have a tendency to agree with Jim - I would never want to be both!

You have broached that subject beautifully and I thank you for another really terrific read!

LongLashes

[kenina]

Ahhhh, this is so so so wonderful. Your best yet--and that's saying quite a lot, considering your body of work. I absolutely LOVE the ending--and really all of Jim's humor throughout. This is exactly how I view him. And I also love how you wove the man v. woman differences into the disability issue seamlessly. Wow.

[bjobsessed]

Wow! I absolutely love this one. I think you hit it all right on the head. How could Jim feel anything but left out and frustrated with a deaf witness. In a situation like that, you need visual cues more than ever.

I love the discussion on the whole deaf/blind issue. The fact that Jim didn't mention anything about wishing he could see shows that he has truely accepted his situation. The power in the last word is priceless.

[shmeep]

Thanks so much for the feedback!

It hit me that I gave a very poor example of my own vocation, so I wanted to let you know that this interpreter, while somewhat professional and well-meaning, was in over her head in this situation. I don't know why I didn't just make her more skilled, but when I visualized the scene, I saw it with Jim having to struggle to get what was going on and that wouldn't have happened had the interpreter been too good.

The way I saw her, she was a good enough signer, but lacking in receptive skills and unable to put together a coherent sentence in English from what the Deaf consumer was saying. This is frighteningly common in the interpreting field. Last summer, my husband had an internship. He worked with five different interpreters and only two were able to voice for him--and his signs are extremely clear and easy to understand. Kenina, with just a little bit of signing under her belt, can understand a lot of what he says, and that's without having practiced in years. So if an interpreter can't understand my husband, she has no business working, in my opinion. Deaf people often don't care how wonderful a signer an interpreter is. They want someone who can understand them and make their thoughts clear to hearing people.

It hits me almost every day how odd it is to be a communication conduit for Deaf people. These are people who are intelligent and eloquent but who can't have normal interaction with non-signers without me. Deafness is extremely isolating. Before learning to sign, I used to think I'd rather be blind than Deaf for that reason. Now that I know the langage and have a Deaf husband and lots of Deaf friends, I think I'd handle being Deaf pretty well. I'd need a different job, but...that's okay. I could be a Deaf relay interpreter, filling in the blanks between an interpreter and a Deaf person with low language. Or a Deaf/blind interpreter, copying the signs of another interpreter into the hands of a Deaf/blind person. I'd still have work, and I wouldn't be isolated. So for me, I'd say Deaf. If I didn't sign...definitely blind.

[bjobsessed]

I think you did a great job of showing how inept interpreters can be. I have not had any experience with that. As someone who knows a little sign language, I appreciate how difficult it must be to do it--and frustrating for the deaf person who knows what they want to say but can't get the message across because there is no one available to communicate effectively.

As for whether I'd rather be deaf or blind, that is a tough call. You miss so much if you are lacking either one. If you are deaf, you still have the joy of seeing everyone and everything around you. If you're blind, you know what everything sounds like but like Jim, miss all the visual cues. I think it would be so much easier to be born one way or the other. That way you're used to it and don't really know what you're missing. But if I had to choose one.....I think I would choose blind, but I'm not sure why. I think part of it is that there are so many things I enjoy listening to that I would really miss if I were deaf. Tough tough question.

PS. If given the choice to change my personal situation, I would turn it down. It took a very long time, but I am happy with my life and I like the person I've become because of it. I know that last part sounds like a cliche, but I really believe that my disability has played a large part in who I am and what I've become. I am far from perfect, but at least I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.

Too bad everyone can't spend the day or two in the life of a disabled person--whatever their disability. That would open up a lot of peoples eyes and give them cause to think. In the end, we might all be a little more thankful for the things we have been given.

[awlrite4now]

Thought provoking story. Now slightly off topic: I've been living about a year now with the diagnosis of macular degeneration, and so I know somewhere down the road, things will be a lot different for me. That's why I take time now to ENJOY things. I read everything I can get my hands on (before that's the only way I will be able to read...bad pun, sorry). I marvel at the sunset. Fall leaves. Fine art and comic books. I take nothing for granted any more. I love a quote from a Daredevil comic book by David Mack...

"Somehow I cross the line...a blurring one, where the scents, echoes, and chills come less from outside my head...and more from inside. Memory and dream, the only places I am not blind."

Life is a constant evolution from cradle to grave. What you do with it inbetween is up to you. I choose to play the hand I've been dealt rather than fold, even if at times, I have to bluff my way through it.

[inuvik]

This is an interesting conversation! I have often considered which would be worse, being deaf or blind. (Don't ask me why--I don't know anyone who is either--but I am fascinated by books, TV, movies etc. about both these disabilities).

I always come down on being blind being worse, simply based on the practicalities of life. If you are deaf, you can still drive, go grocery shopping, and do other necessities by yourself. For the asthetic pleaseures of life, both are awful and it is harder to choose in that respect.

I think the worst part of any disability would be the dependence on others. If you don't have family, or lots of close friends, that alone could make one suicidal I would think.

Again, an interesting question. BJO, your point about being disabled for a day also raises some interesting thoughts. We may get the physical experience, but if we were going to be ourselves again after, we wouldn't have the mental experience. Would we truly know what it would be like to be disabled, day in and day out?

It's like closing your eyes and doing things, pretending to be blind. We know we can always open them again if we get into trouble, so we don't really have the experience.

Awlritefornow, my sympathies for your diagnosis. Take heart though, I know several people with the dry form and it can go for years without progressing, and sometimes it never does.

[mlm828]

Alice, I only "know" you from this board, but having read your posts over the months, I have confidence that you will meet whatever the future brings with grace and humor.

For what it's worth, I'd like to share the following story. In her later years, my mother had visual problems which severely restricted her visual field, resulting in "tunnel vision." Her "gentleman friend" had macular degeneration, affecting his central vision but sparing his peripheral vision. They used to joke that, together, they had perfect eyesight!

[dogma]

alice,, the only words i can say are to stay strong,, and i hope you have a higher power you feel comfortable praying/ talking to,,

you are in our thoughts, please keep us updated when you feel the need to talk

[dogma]

HELP !!!

i don't know when it happened,, or if i did it fooling around w/ my computer unintentionally,, but i lost the abililty to add smiley's,, etc,, the "add tags,, add smiles" rows have this saying:
Your browser is not compatible with our extra feature buttons.

any one know how to undo this?

would greatly appreciate it,,
thanks a ton,

[dogma]

HELP !!!

i don't know when it happened,, or if i did it fooling around w/ my computer unintentionally,, but i lost the abililty to add smiley's,, etc,, the "add tags,, add smiles" rows have this saying:
Your browser is not compatible with our extra feature buttons.

any one know how to undo this?

would greatly appreciate it,,
thanks a ton,

[bjobsessed]

inuvik said:

Again, an interesting question. BJO, your point about being disabled for a day also raises some interesting thoughts. We may get the physical experience, but if we were going to be ourselves again after, we wouldn't have the mental experience. Would we truly know what it would be like to be disabled, day in and day out?

It's like closing your eyes and doing things, pretending to be blind. We know we can always open them again if we get into trouble, so we don't really have the experience.

I agree about the mental experience. But even a day gives you at least a taste of it. When I was student teaching last year, I taught a unit on disabilities. (It actually turned into one just about blindness due to time constraints.) This was a split grade 1/2 class. I did a lot of different activities with the kids including a touchy/feelie sort of thing where they had to guess what different objects were without looking at them. They could do anything else they wanted to the object but look. Of course, they thought this was fun, but many were surprised at how hard it was. Another thing I did was to put them in pairs and have one blindfolded and one be the guide. Some did a great job leading their blind friends around the room. Others did not watch were the blind child was--only where they were going.

Although the activities were short, they got the point. Most of them thought that it was hard and some said they didn't like not knowing where they were going. They definitely got the physical point and I think some of them got the mental point a little.

A few months ago, I took a shower with my eyes closed just to see what it would be like. I didn't cheat until I had to go into the closet for something. There is a very narrow pathway into the closet between my computer desk and bookcase. I didn't think it would sound too good if I fell and hurt myself and had to go to the hospital and when the doctor asked what happened, I said I was pretending to be blind.

I did better than I thought. One thing I did come to appreciate though, was the importance of knowing where everything was and putting everything in the same place. I forgot where I put the shampoo once and it took me about three minutes to find it. I was determined not to cheat so I could see what it felt like to lose somthing. I'm sure it was very close to where I was feeling for it the whole time.

All in all, I think I kept them closed for about half an hour. Even so, I understand just a bit why Jim always insisted that things remain in the exact same place all the time. I also can appreciate a little how mentally draining and stressful it would be in the beginning anyway.

So, I do agree that you would not get the full benefit of what it's like in one day, but it would give you an idea. I can almost guarantee that some people would not be so quick to judge and would be more tolerant of others and appreciative of the abilities they have.

And Alice, I get the impression that you are a strong person and I know you are already preparing for what is to come. That alone tells me that you'll be ok. I also add my willingness to listen if you ever need to talk.

[inuvik]

One more thing to add to the discussion. A quote I have alwasy remembered:

"Blindness isolates you from things. Deafness isolates you from people." -- Helen Keller