|
|
Post by maggiethecat on May 29, 2006 12:19:45 GMT -5
Since writing is never about the first draft, or the second, or even the third (sigh), I've tweaked some of the dialogue in Chapter One, and, thanks to a savvy and detail-oriented board member, fixed a few spots that really needed fixing.
So, if I may indulge myself for a moment here. ;D
1. Why would Dunbar have had an evidence bag handy for the florist card? This I put in strictly for self-amusement, since I've always wondered where he got the evidence bag he waved in Lyman's face, or, for that matter, when he found the time to sneak into the bathroom and pull out a few hairs. (Not that it wasn't a great moment.) At least he put the dog bowl in a Baggie. Heh.
2. Jim and Karen wouldn't have said what they did about Terry with Marty and Tom within earshot, so the last page has been reworked to keep the "Up on the Roof" backstory private.
Thanks!
Mags
|
|
|
|
Post by Dreamfire on May 29, 2006 23:38:09 GMT -5
Since writing is never about the first draft, or the second, or even the third (sigh), I've tweaked some of the dialogue in Chapter One, and, thanks to a savvy and detail-oriented board member, fixed a few spots that really needed fixing. So, if I may indulge myself for a moment here. ;D 1. Why would Dunbar have had an evidence bag handy for the florist card? This I put in strictly for self-amusement, since I've always wondered where he got the evidence bag he waved in Lyman's face, or, for that matter, when he found the time to sneak into the bathroom and pull out a few hairs. (Not that it wasn't a great moment.) At least he put the dog bowl in a Baggie. Heh. 2. Jim and Karen wouldn't have said what they did about Terry with Marty and Tom within earshot, so the last page has been reworked to keep the "Up on the Roof" backstory private. Thanks! Mags Thanks, gave me an excuse to read it again! |
|
|
|
Post by maggiethecat on May 31, 2006 0:31:11 GMT -5
Chapter Two is posted. I've also tacked it onto the end of Chapter One, for those of you who appreciate a little continuity.
Enjoy!
Mags
|
|
|
|
Post by maggiethecat on May 31, 2006 16:45:00 GMT -5
If any of you read Chapter Two before 5:30 EST today, then . . . you might want to read it again. It's subtly different, with some judicial dialogue cuts. (Sometimes all it takes is one excess word to throw off the rhythm of a sentence. Sigh.) I really shouldn't post any of this stuff before I'm finished with my obsessive/compulsive editing.  |
|
|
|
Post by housemouse on May 31, 2006 17:49:47 GMT -5
Maggie are you a professional writer or something? Love the fanfic. It takes quite a bit of skill to work The Godfather (my very favorite movie of all time) so seamlessly into a piece completely unrelated.
I have six words for you: "Luca Brazzi sleeps with the fishes" and Jim and Christie will be sleeping there as well if they don't solve this one.
Ok, two more words "Appolonia - NO!" Yes that one is a bit out of left field, but I do love that scene.
Oh, and three more words MORE! MORE!! MORE!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by maggiethecat on Jun 1, 2006 11:44:02 GMT -5
Thanks, Mouse!  The Godfather stuff was risky but I was looking for a creative way into Jim's nightmare, which IMO can start differently as long as it ends the way we know it will. Besides, I never met a New Yorker (especially guys) who didn't have those movies in their personal memory banks! And I always liked the way Blind Justice occasionally referenced the outside world -- Bin Laden, following Jimmy Buffet around the country -- instead of operating in a vacuum the way most shows do.  |
|
|
|
Post by doobrah on Jun 1, 2006 13:49:10 GMT -5
Oh Mags, I am just loving your Fan Fic. Leave the gun, take the cannoli. Heh, I'll take the cannoli ! I am loving the nuances & gray areas esp where Terry isn't all bad, that he and Jim can still laugh about the old times. Just a really well-rounded characterization. And nice and taut, too, which is how I like my men.  I really like how the end of Chapter 2 brings you full-circle back to the beginning of Chapter 1. How cool is that? I am in awe. |
|
|
|
Post by shmeep on Jun 6, 2006 8:31:13 GMT -5
Sorry I'm only now responding but I needed to do some catching up first. Mags, I'm really enjoying "Out of the Past." I especially liked being privy to what happened when Jim was made to work with the partner who knew him as sighted and the partner who knew him blind at the same time. I can see how that would be odd for all three of them--perhaps making Jim feel like he's two different people at once in their eyes. I also loved that Jim unwound to The Godfather. It makes sense that a cop like Dunbar can run those movies in his head at will. Very easy to imagine and also a brilliant lead-in to his most recent nightmare. So you'll have Chapter Three ready when? And who is the stalker? Can't you at least tell us that?
|
|
|
|
Post by maggiethecat on Jun 6, 2006 17:05:48 GMT -5
And who is the stalker? Can't you at least tell us that? Ah- hah. That would be cheating, but I will take guesses! Thanks for your very kind words, and pleased to know you enjoyed it.  |
|
|
|
Post by maggiethecat on Jun 18, 2006 18:26:13 GMT -5
What to do on a hot, sticky weekend . . . .
Chapter Three of "Out of the Past" is posted. As always, feedback, comments, critiques, and editing suggestions are not only welcome but encouraged. Hey, I can take it. ;D
I will make this work.
Enjoy!
Mags
|
|
|
|
Post by bjobsessed on Jun 18, 2006 20:11:43 GMT -5
Ok. I went back and read the whole thing since it's been a while. I have to say, I wish I could just turn the page and keep going. Unfortunately, that's not possible. I absolutely love the scene with Galloway. Jim was still Jim. Even after all the sessions with the good doctor, he still has a hard time letting people in and expressing his feelings. At the same time, telling everyone what really happened at the bank shows how far he's come.
As for whether Terry really is the stalker--I don't know. That was my first thought, but it seems a little too obvious to me. He has motive and opportunity since he knows the new phone number and even if he didn't, he could probably find it. I'm just not ready to point my finger at him.
I know what I am ready for though: another hot sticky weekend so you can write chapter four!
|
|
|
|
Post by housemouse on Jun 18, 2006 20:15:12 GMT -5
My favorite thing about Out of the Past is how true the characters seem to be to the way the writers intended them.
I'm not sure which way to look to figure out who the stalker might be. It could be Terry, but I agree with Anita, that might be to obvious. Maybe it is Mark Watt? Smarmy Clay? Or maybe even Marybeth Desmond has been paroled and is out to get our beloved Jimmy.
Every episode I watched I was looking for more Galloway, so of course his return is a welcome treat for me. Their relationship is exactly the same as it was on the show and I am loving that.
|
|
|
|
Post by anna on Jun 18, 2006 20:26:43 GMT -5
What to do on a hot, sticky weekend . . . . Well, the most interesting thing I did was cut back the nandina. However, some people seem to find it conducive to writing fic that leaves us all panting for the next chapter. |
|
|
|
Post by maggiethecat on Jun 18, 2006 20:57:24 GMT -5
Aw, yer makin' me blush.  If you think I got Galloway and Jim at least halfway right, that's more than enough for me . . . why, oh why did they ditch The Good Doctor halfway through the series? Grrrrr. |
|
|
|
Post by bjobsessed on Jun 18, 2006 21:05:45 GMT -5
If you think I got Galloway and Jim at least halfway right, that's more than enough for me . . . why, oh why did they ditch The Good Doctor halfway through the series? Grrrrr. Haven't we all wondered the same thing? I love the guy. To that end, please tell me we're going to see him again. After all, Jim isn't past needing his services yet, right? |
|
