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Post by greenbeing on Oct 22, 2005 14:37:08 GMT -5
I've posted three chapters at fanfiction.net. I guess this is where I should mention I've never been to NYC. But hey, the show was filmed in LA, another place I've never been, but I figure that gives me license to be a little less than precise, right? I also know next to nothing about the business of being a detective--do they get weekends off? Wouldn't they work 24 hours a day, on different shifts, to solve crimes? But if they did, I guess Jim wouldn't have had time to learn his way around the squad with no one around--all sorts of things I've been taking literary license with. But if I'm totally out of line, feel free to correct me  I promise a little criticism won't make me cry--in fact, it might even make the fic a better story. |
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Post by bjobsessed on Oct 22, 2005 20:30:33 GMT -5
Wow Greenbeing. What an amazing chapter! I loved the retelling of the jelly incident. LOL.
It was so cool to see Karen becoming more methodical and wanting to go back to the crimescene. I could really visualize Jim and Karen's frustration building when Samantha turned up dead. Jim is always so on top of things. This would drive him crazy.
Nice to see Jim, Karen, Marty, and Tom all getting along, but wow--never expected one of Jim's old flirts to show up. Reminds me of the scene in the pilot when Karen tells Jim Anne Donelly was a friend of hers and by the end of the conversation, Jim just wants to disappear. I imagine it was the same way here, especially since he was alone with Marty.
Also found it interesting that Jim tells Marty to keep an eye on Tom because "You're the one facing the dance floor," and not "because I can't see." That, along with other things in the chapter, show that Jim has adapted pretty well to being blind and doesn't always think about it or dwell on it.
Write more soon!
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Post by greenbeing on Oct 26, 2005 18:02:37 GMT -5
I was asked to post my story here, also, seeing as how FF.net is sometimes grumpy with dial-up connections. So I fixed a couple typos--yay! Typos make me grumpy.
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Post by greenbeing on Oct 26, 2005 21:26:15 GMT -5
I just posted Chapter Four over at ff.net.
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Post by rducasey on Oct 27, 2005 16:56:07 GMT -5
Another great chapter Greenbeing. I love Jim tapdancing around Christie; feels like a big blow up is coming! Some of my favorite moments were Jim's guilt coming through with the "finger lines in his hair', his answer "smell me" when Christie wanted to know if he was really out with the guys in a bar, and Hank wanting to walk him in front of a bus if he didn't keep moving and get home. Can't wait for more.
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Post by mlm828 on Oct 27, 2005 18:50:07 GMT -5
Another very thought-provoking chapter. I especially like the way you have captured the edginess in Jim and Marty's interaction, and the glimpses of what Jim was like before he was shot. Looking forward to more!
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Post by greenbeing on Oct 27, 2005 23:32:16 GMT -5
I just posted Chapter Five at ff.net and I put it here, too, for good measure.
Happy reading!
--GB
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Post by mlm828 on Oct 29, 2005 1:28:39 GMT -5
You just keep outdoing yourself, GB. Thanks for another absorbing chapter. (I'm running out of adjectives).
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Post by greenbeing on Oct 29, 2005 9:21:03 GMT -5
Hey, all! I really appreciate you taking the time like you have to let me know your favorite parts. Helps me gauge what elements to spend more time with. Playing to the fans, ya know.
Thanks for the great feedback! Just wanted to let you know it is appreciated.
--GB
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Post by greenbeing on Oct 30, 2005 22:21:20 GMT -5
Just posted Chapter Six.
--GB
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Post by greenbeing on Oct 30, 2005 22:56:10 GMT -5
Just posted Chapter Seven, a short interlude.
--GB
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Post by shmeep on Oct 31, 2005 13:42:15 GMT -5
Whoa! You have been busy, greenbeing. I just read Chapter 6--haven't had a chance to get to chapter 7 yet--but I wanted to let you know how much I'm enjoying Messiah Josiah.
And finally! More Jim and Christie! I've been wondering what was going on between them in this story and now I know. This chapter was from an extremely psychological POV and you did a great job showing us everything from both of their perspectives, making them both make sense. I really like how jumbled up they both are and how they have been at cross purposes for so long. Frustrating, but this chapter really makes me root for them.
Thank you for all that hard work and for spinning such an entertaining tale!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2005 17:00:48 GMT -5
God this story so rocks the house - truly!
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Post by mlm828 on Oct 31, 2005 21:58:40 GMT -5
What a treat -- two more chapters! Your portrayal of the complexities of Jim and Christie's relationship in Chapter 6 is outstanding.
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Post by greenbeing on Nov 7, 2005 0:19:17 GMT -5
Happy birthday, everyone!
Wow, I'm exhausted. All that computer trouble, then my disc got full so I couldn't save (horror!), and now posting THREE chapters. I should have gone home two and a half hours ago, but I couldn't stop editing, formatting, and posting. Done! Yaaaaaaaayyyy! Enjoy!
Chapters Eight, Nine, and Ten are up both here and at ff.net.
Now I must go eat cupcakes to regain my strength.
--GB
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I promise a little criticism won't make me cry--in fact, it might even make the fic a better story.
