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Post by Dreamfire on Apr 15, 2007 0:45:20 GMT -5
Hi BJ fic readers!
I have a new offering here but couldn't come up with a name that felt right, any ideas?
A
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Post by bjobsessed on Apr 15, 2007 1:52:55 GMT -5
What a good start! This is so sad. I hate crimes against kids. They are so helpless. So you got me hooked already. Can't wait for the scene with the little girl. Jim is so good with kids.
Wonder if Jim will be more careful next time he wishes for something juicy?
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Post by Dreamfire on Apr 15, 2007 1:53:53 GMT -5
Thanks for such a fast review O. Got any ideas for a name?
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Post by bjobsessed on Apr 15, 2007 1:55:19 GMT -5
Thanks for such a fast review O. Got any ideas for a name? Not yet, but I'll think about it. There's a good name out there somewhere I'm sure. Maybe I'll get an idea after you post more of it. (hint hint  ;D  ) |
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Post by rducasey on Apr 15, 2007 9:54:15 GMT -5
Very well done N. and I am so glad to see more fanfic from you. Marty crawling under his desk...yes, glad it was Jim who made him do it this time. And that uniform at the crime scene being a bit intimidated by the tough detective with the quide dog. I especially love Karen's descriptions of the crime scene to Jim. So reminicent of the series. Glad to see the TBC on the bottom. I'm looking forward to more.
And as for the title, maybe it will emerge later. (That's what I tell my kids in school who sometimes have trouble giving a story a title. I also tell them it can always be changed later as well. So maybe a few possibilities will crop up and you can decide at the end what you will title it.) I don't know why The Children's Hour by Robert Lewis Stephenson popped into my head. A poem that was a childhood favorite of mine, and I guess because these poor kids don't seem to have had a children's hour each night. I only remember the first verse.
"Between the dark and the daylight
When the night is beginning to lower
Comes a pause in the day's occupations
That is known as the Children's Hour."
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Post by Chris on Apr 15, 2007 13:52:45 GMT -5
I am hooked already too, great story once again Ashatan.  I can't come up with a name right now, maybe later on when I've read more. Mary, I love you idea for a title "The Children's Hour" - that would be great.  I just karma'ed both of you, Natascha for the beginning of yet another great fan fic, I'm sure, and Mary for her suggestion for the title. Take care and keep smiling - Chris |
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Post by krissie on Apr 17, 2007 14:21:01 GMT -5
Great start, ashatan! This fic looks like it's going to be pretty dramatic... I love the way you have Jim dealing with the crime scene and his interaction with your original characters. I'm busily developing a theory as to why the kids are so quiet...and I love the last three letters: TBC!  Krissie Krissie |
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Post by Chris on Apr 17, 2007 15:47:43 GMT -5
I'm busily developing a theory as to why the kids are so quiet...and I love the last three letters: TBC! I am too, but then again, I just might be too influenced by my line of work.....  - Chris |
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Post by krissie on Apr 17, 2007 16:12:27 GMT -5
I'm busily developing a theory as to why the kids are so quiet...and I love the last three letters: TBC! I am too, but then again, I just might be too influenced by my line of work..... - Chris I'm guessing that we're thinking along the same lines, and my line of work is quite different from yours! Krissie. |
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Post by hoosier on Apr 17, 2007 17:35:44 GMT -5
I was like "oooo, another fanfic from Natasha!" Like everyone, I am already hooked. I especially liked the character of Lola and how she suddenly seemed to get all flustered around Jim after handling things so well. And Marty! Ha! Serves him right. Maybe (and that is a huge maybe) he won't be so cocky next time but that would be asking the sun not to rise, wouldn't it |
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Post by bjobsessed on Apr 18, 2007 1:44:45 GMT -5
I think I need a box of kleenx.  The scene with the kids is so touching. I think you captured Jim's way with children very well. I hope when they find the dad, they rip into him cause I'm sure that whatever he's up to, it's not good. |
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Post by Dreamfire on Apr 18, 2007 1:49:55 GMT -5
what if they never find the dad? What if he didn't do it? What if the parents have been killed too?...
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Post by bjobsessed on Apr 18, 2007 1:53:34 GMT -5
what if they never find the dad? What if he didn't do it? What if the parents have been killed too?... I am really hoping that many of these questions, if not all, will be answered by the time the story's over. I know I said I like a bit of a thought provoking ending, but not when it comes to kids. I have too much of a soft spot for them so I hope that whoever did this rotten thing to Bradley and the other kids gets what's coming. If not, maybe I'll have to send the ECW after them! |
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Post by doppelganger on Apr 18, 2007 2:13:23 GMT -5
Of course you should continue! The story left me really sad! I'm glad this is only fiction, though I'm aware things like that happen all the time. I really want Jim and Karen to find the father or whoever did this to bring him to justice!
The interview with the children was so well done! The subtle attempts of getting their trust, having them open up just a little...
And then in the hospital: Jim saying something like they were not parents worrying about his prognosis... How hard would that be (Jim, I don't believe you!)
What a heartbreaking story. Please continue and give us at least a little hope for those kids,
ashatan.
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Post by Kasman on Apr 18, 2007 3:51:34 GMT -5
maybe TBC *You think I should?  If you don't, I'm coming after you with a baseball bat! Argh, this is good. ;D |
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;D 
)
The scene with the kids is so touching. I think you captured Jim's way with children very well. I hope when they find the dad, they rip into him cause I'm sure that whatever he's up to, it's not good. 
