One-Minute Recaps

[shmeep]

This is just for fun. Something to do when you're in a silly mood. Feel free to (very briefly) recap whichever episode you choose, even if it's already been briefly recapped. I'm sure there are a lot of different ways to do each one.

Here's my first attempt:

Seoul Man

Jim: The perp ran—you know—past me.
Chief Tunney: You can't do the same things you did before, Detective.
Don Yun: It's a compliment, man. I loved that dog.
Fisk: I'm asking both of you, when you gonna stop behaving like pissed off step sisters?
Mr. Yun: I were late but I no kill Mr. Lee.
Dr. Galloway: You can use this as an opportunity for a fresh start.
Marty: Did I ever tell you how much I LOVE working with you, Jim?
Jim: It's a good thing we're not dogs.
Marty: You know, would it kill you just relax a little bit, Jim? Just a little?
Jim: I get it.
Marty: See you tomorrow.

[maggiethecat]

You just know I had to try The Pilot.

Jim: Terry, he’s empty, take the shot, Terry!
Christie: Big day, huh?
Fisk: Can we be honest?
Jim: I am not a civilian aide.
Miss Chenowith: Like . . . totally blind?
Karen: This isn't funny.
Marty: Tell me that gun on your hip is plastic and we got no beef.
Christie: You don’t need me – you need your dog.
Karen: How you doin’ with that receipt, Mister Lyman? Dunbar!
Jim: Don’t move, don’t move, don’t you move.
Jim: So yeah, I'm gonna collar your ass.
Fisk: Nice job in there.
Jim: What do you look like?
Karen: You’re such a great detective, you tell me.

[maggiethecat]

I am loving this, Shmeep, and here's a twist: Try to do it using dialogue from a single character. Off the top of my head? The Pilot and Jim:

1. Terry, he’s empty, take the shot, Terry!
2. Jim Dunbar for Lieutenant Fisk – I’m assigned here.
3. I wouldn’t be here if I thought I couldn’t do my job.
4. This is a crime scene.
5. Stop it! We both know what happened that day.
6. Christie, you know I need you.
7. Do you think your conversation with the Boss can wait for half an hour?
8. Don’t move, don’t move, don’t you move.
9. I have to try a little harder but I make it work.
10. They’re mine.
11. That’s not what I’m doing – I just wanted to know what you looked like.
12. Okay. Now I know.

[rducasey]

Here's My Marlon's:

Jim: Gooooood morning. That's nice.
Uniform: Real nasty, From her temple to her chin, nasty cut.
Marty: Female victim. She'd be more comfortable talking to women.
Mr. Dressler: Well it's a little different for you.
Jim: Crime scene put a nasty image in my head.
Super: Bottle in his hand, always had a bottle in his hand.
Jim: You're not gonna draw a picture for me, are you?
Mark Watt: I want my lawyer.
Mattis: Dunbar, How'd you lose your eyes?
Jim: The wind rips right through those tiers.
Jim: What happened?? Karen! Karen, are you alright.
Marty: I'll make it my life's work to see you off the job.
Dr. Galloway: Questioning your ability to do the job?
Jim: This isn't easy.
Christie: Take me home.

[maggiethecat]

Karma to Shmeep for this great new brain candy. And here’s my “Marlon’s Brando,” rducasey! Different strokes . . . and ain’t it fun. ;D

Jim: Can we pick this back up tonight?
Christie: Can’t tonight . . . it’s Fashion Week.
Jim: It’s not my first rape case, Marty.
Marty: Yeah? You’re runnin’ it like it is.
Karen: You know, you are bein’ a little touchy today. There. I said it.
Jim: So you want me to play up the blindness?
Marty: Oh, that’s so cute – a real Helen Keller moment.
Karen: Up yours.
Mark Watt: You’re blind? Oh my God.
Jim: Bring a parka upstate.
Marlon Condell: I was just a kid!
Karen: Listen, Jimmy, this case? There’s some things you should be glad you couldn’t see.
Jim: That is my perspective: I’m a cop.
Dr. Galloway: Today’s the first time you’ve even acknowledged you’ve got limitations. And that is a good start.
Christie: But you’re my man . . . and you’ve still got the gun.

[maggiethecat]

Hey, I know you're out there, mulling over the dialogue in "Up on the Roof" and "Leap of Faith" ("I'm just gettin' you situated.") and all the other great episodes. This is the best brain candy since Shmeep came up with the original Survival Game.

C'mon, c'mon and rescue me. (Uh oh, I've just strayed into Denis Leary land.) I am jonesing for more One-Minute Recaps!

[shmeep]

Here's Rub a Tub Tub...off the top of my head because I only have about five minutes (who said the quotes had to be real?).

Fisk: Some cop is dead. Jim, don't piss anyone off!
Jim: Sonny knows all kinds of skanky people. Maybe he knows what happened.
Marybeth: You want me to sit down?
Karen: I'm sorry. I can't concentrate. I'm too distracted by your eyebrows and your voice that sounds like a combination of Marge Simpson and Kitty from That 70's Show.
Eric: I were late but I no kill Mr. Lee.
Sonny: Marybeth gets around.
Jim: Don't move anything! I need to be able to smell everyone's cologne in peace!
Karen: Oh, all right. I'll go scraping around in their drains while pretending to be on the phone. No one will notice what I'm doing. She'll be too distracted talking to your dreamy self while you eat half a cookie.
Marybeth: Go to hell!
Dr. Galloway: Um...I think you might want to ask your wife for a Mulligan.
Christy: You didn't buy those for Hank?

[maggiethecat]

Karma for such divine silliness. Although I should smite you because I did a spit take and now I have to clean my keyboard. "I were late but I no kill Mr. Lee?"

You slay me.

[rducasey]

Shmeep, Karma to you for that very funny recap of Rub a Tub Tub. Very funny, especially, Eric's comment. Loved it.

[mlm828]

maggiethecat said:

C'mon, c'mon and rescue me. . . I am jonesing for more One-Minute Recaps!

See if this helps. Here's "Doggone":

Jim: Are you still mad at me?
Sonny: There’s a slight wrinkle with that. I went ahead and told her the buyer was a blind guy.
Jim: You’re an idiot.
Marty: Why don’t you give me the glasses and the dog, and I’ll be the blind guy.
Sonny: It says something about her, that she stuck by you . . . how does that work – day to day?
Marty: Move the truck!
Jim: Hank, stay.
Jim: What is this – is this a shakedown, Sonny?
Jim: Don’t take my dog! Hank!
Jim: What do you mean, you lost me?
Karen: They got the dog.
Jim: What happened, happened.
Jim: Do you want to go to jail for the rest of your life, and if you’re reborn, the rest of that life, too?
Tom: No, I’m Scottish, what it sound like?
Jim: That’s him, that’s the guy who took my dog . . . Where the hell’s my dog? . . . Son of a bitch!
Sonny: Smell me!
Marty: You want to take a ride down to the East Village and look for the dog?
Jim: Maybe we should talk to someone.
Jim: Hankie!

[shmeep]

Yay! Another recap! Thanks for playing. I have no idea why these crack me up so much.

Um...I'm short on time again so I'm going to randomly choose...

Under the Gun!

Tom: I didn't see that.
Jim: Um...thanks. Blame the wife.
Dance Instructor Lady: You guys are not in sync and should probably consider getting a divorce.
Rowdy Guy: Bitch!
Christy: No! Don't figh--um...okay. I guess I'll just cower over here until you're done with that.
Jim: My gun was in the bag!
Marty: Told you so!
Tom: You're busted now, Jim. Your gun might have killed this kid.
Fisk: Eh, whatever. Happened to me once. Just get it back and we're cool.
Jim: Get my gun to me. I'll be alone so no one will see who took it--even though I know it's someone from the shady rich lawyer's family.
Lady on Phone: So that woman was actually stroking his earlobes! I've never seen anything like it!
Christy: I'm sorry you're so stressed out and that your day was so hellish. Hey, know what will make it all better? Dancing!

[rducasey]

maggiethecat said:

,here's a twist: Try to do it using dialogue from a single character. Off the top of my head? The Pilot and Jim.

OK I'll try Dance With Me, and Hank

1) Another shrink visit- Come on Jim, just divorce her. We don't need her.
2) What do you mean "Are you black?". I'm colorblind Jim and I knew he was black.
3) "Hey there's Artie. Did you come to return the harness you stole, huh. I hope so, cause this new one chafes."
4)"God, Pete, what do you have under those cushions? A Big Mac?"
5)"Hey I have a police/fireman thing too. I hate Dalmations."
6)"Hey Marty, bad outfit. Take a tip from GQ man here."
7) "Couples Yoga? No way. Leave me home then."
8)Pete's place again. This time I am hunting down that Big Mac.
9) "Are we actually solving a case today Jim? I think you are slacking."
10) " Yum, left over Chinese......when they go to bed, I am so raiding the trash........"
11) "Good job Karen, solving that case. Good thing someone pulls their weight around here."
12) "BALLROOM DANCING! Leave me home. No way am I going to risk my life with those gunboats flying around the dancefloor."

[Duchess of Lashes]

Karma for you, Shmeep - two in a row - perhaps we should all try this with very little time on our hands! Could have bit off more than I could chew here, but here's UP ON THE ROOF, my favorite episode:

Marty: Ronald Johnson, age nineteen.
Fisk: Dunbar, one of the detectives is your old partner, Terry Jansen.
Marty: Why the bad blood?
Jim: I got shot.
Fisk: Karen, you and Jim go with Terry and Glenn.
Jim: 8th Squad to Central. We've got shots fired on the rooftop of 748 Rivington.
Karen: Terry's shot. Bus is on the way.
Titus: I didn't drop the gun on the roof. I was nowhere near that cop when he got shot.
Galloway: Why are we dancing around this issue? You think Terry shot himself?
Jim: This is Terry's mistake, I don't want to be part of it, I want this to be finished.
DaShawn: This time I wasn't going to let it go, I couldn't let it go.
Jim: I'm just going to lay this out for Terry.
Terry: Check my coat, go ahead, check it for powder burns.
Jim: I want to back to the rooftop, take a look around.
Terry: Don't do this to me, Jimmy, please.
Jim: You got another option Terry. You go to Lieutenant Fisk, you tell him that Titus' gun accidentally discharged and hit you in the shoulder.
Terry: Lieutenant, I need to speak with you.
Titus: So you ended up keeping your word after all, huh?
Christie: Still, it was good of you to let him say it was an accident.
Jim: But if I could back, I wouldn't change places with that guy. I'd rather lose my sight than my courage.

[dogma]

admin said:

Lady on Phone: So that woman was actually stroking his earlobes! I've never seen anything like it!

shame on you !! but it is nice to know that people remember me,,,,

[inuvik]

Shmeep and Rducasey, I'd give you both karma but I'm out thanks to Elduck.

Shmeep, yours rule! Much more fun than the actual dialogue methinks.

And Rducasey, wonderful creative job with Hank's thoughts!!!